March 15, Get Your Free Advice -- Call in!  And...Need some inspiration from a single mama who has had more than her share of fresh starts?  Meet our Super Single Mama of the Month -- Sonja Bennett.  That's her in the black dress with her two kids who make her a proud mother.  

When I met Sonja Bennett, she was happily married to an awesome man, named David.  She had the wedding of her dreams and an amazing career as an anchorwoman and then a news director at a TV station in Columbus, Ga.  She and David had a beautiful baby boy, David, Jr., and she was pregnant, expecting a girl.  

Less than two years later, Sonja’s life took an immediate, unexpected and shocking turn.  Within a couple of hours of getting the news that her husband had been rushed to the hospital, Sonja heard words that would change her life forever. 

“Mrs. Bennett,” the ER doctor said to her as he approached her in the waiting room. “We lost him.” David, Sr. died in an emergency room of a staph infection after suffering from an aneurysm. Sonja was stunned and for the next six months, she moved in a haze of confused routine.  Her husband was dead at age 31.  Sonja had become a single mom to two babies, David Jr. and his baby sister, Raven. 

Today, sixteen years later, David is in his first year of college.  Raven is a senior in high school.  David is a big lovable teenager who reminds his mom in temperament of his dad.  He’s quiet, considerate and peaceful.  Raven is the life of the party, an overachieving honors student who got accepted to five of the six A-list colleges she applied to and is wait-listed at the other.  She is also a self-professed drama queen who becomes most petulant when she feels the need to play the role of her mama’s keeper.  They are both great kids who have and will continue to make their mother proud. 

But as any mother of a teenager knows, keeping the kids in check and on point is a daily struggle. So how has Sonja managed over all these years? 

For starters, after losing the love of her life, she gave herself time to grieve.  In fact throughout her years raising her children, she was never too proud to get counseling to work through her pain and struggles. 

Life for Sonja has come with what many would see as an unfair balance of difficulties.  Several years after her husband’s death, she started dating a man she met at work.  He was a good guy, a single dad who understood that raising kids came first for single mothers.  About three years into the relationship, her boyfriend’s teenaged daughter found him on the floor in his kitchen.  He’d died of a heart attack. 

There were financial battles too.  The loss of David changed how Sonja looked at work and how her managers looked at her.  Forced to change careers, she tried Mary Kay, used car sales and finally public relations.  She is currently director of communications at a private college.  

Over the years, she’s endured financial challenges even a fire that left her and the kids temporarily homeless.  

One of Sonja’s biggest challenges as a single mama came six years ago, when she started dating again.  Raven worried about her mom.  She’d often overhear telephone conversations between Sonja and her girlfriends about concerns she’d have about the men she was meeting.  It was enough for Raven to protest, even put on a show, when a man would come to the house.  If any man was going to come up in their house, he’d better be worthy.  In Raven’s mind, none of them was. 

Sonja and Raven’s conflicts got to the point that once they even went on a national TV talk show to talk about it.  The show solicited singlemamahood.com for moms who might be having issues with their kids over the issue of dating.  The host helped them come up with solutions.  Sonja would set boundaries and assure Raven that she was safe with her dates and Raven would resist the temptation to blow up her mama’s cell phone while she was out. 

In time, Sonja started dating a guy who has been her boyfriend for three years now. He has been there through thick and thin, even through the aftermath of the house fire.  For a while, Sonja and the kids stayed at his place. Raven’s not a 100 percent supporter.  But she’s chilled out to the degree that a self-professed drama queen can. Plus she has her own teenaged life now, which doesn’t leave as much time to worry about what time her mom’s getting home at night. 

Life for Sonja has been no crystal stair.  She has been an inspiration to me (Ms Kelly) and I know she can inspire you to be the best mom you can be.  That's why she's our is our March 2010 Single Mama of the Month.

Sonja offers these tips for other single moms. 

1.                             Make sure that you keep your baby’s father’s memory fresh – no need to share bad times with the kids; keep the good memories alive.

2.                             You can move on while still letting your kids have their dad’s photos, videos and memories.  Do not shush them when they talk or ask about their dad.  Engage them as these are important times that allow your kids to share their feelings.

3.                             Get counseling whenever you can for yourself and your kids.

4.                             Take one day at a time.

5.                             When all else fails, ask Ms Kelly.  Send her an email and she’ll give you free advice that really does come in handy. 

*Note, for full-disclosure, Sonja is my best friend in this world.  She’s the greatest cook in the world and has the biggest heart of anyone I know.