Just Your Baby’s Daddy?  

Think again, sis.  He’s more than that.  He is likely someone who you spent a great deal of time crying over.  Whatever transpired, he’s no longer your man.  But he is something that, believe it or not, is more important.  He is your baby’s daddy.  So what are you going to do about it?  And what does it mean?

For starters, he’s the guy your kid has been asking about.  And if your child’s too young to talk, he’s the one the kid will soon begin asking about.  He is the person who comprises half of your kid’s biological makeup.  And no matter how you feel about him, to your child, he is Daddy.  Your child wants his love, acceptance and presence.  He dreams of playing and laughing with Daddy, sitting atop his shoulders, hugging him and having him there to defend him when bullies beat him up.  Your child is just like you were when you were a kid.  He wants his mommy and his daddy…and he wants both of you to be good parents.

So what do you do if Daddy’s not around?  What do you do if Daddy’s not the best role model, or if you just can’t stand Daddy’s new woman friend?  How do you give your child what he needs when it seems there’s too much drama in the way?

Save the Drama, Mama

My suggestion is to control only the part of the drama that you can.  The part where you play a role.  If you’re the leading lady in the drama, imagine what happens if you switch the script.  Stop the drama and think about the person who has the least power and the most to lose by all the drama – your child.  Think about the way it was when you were a kid and you saw your parents acting – a fool.  Be the bigger person and figure out the best way to allow your child to have access to his/her Daddy.  By access, I mean, if Daddy’s a good, decent guy who wants to see the kids, let him.  If he’s not paying child support, see a lawyer.  But if he’s otherwise a good guy and you trust he’s not going to run off with the kids (trust me, after a few days, most men are happy to give the babies back to Mama), set up a schedule that works best for both of you.  And don’t trip if he’s a few minutes late picking them up or dropping them off.  They’ll be plenty of times when you’ll be late, too.   Trust me. 

Now, back to the part I know a lot of you are waiting for – the part about that hoochie you can’t stand having around the kids.  Her.  What’s her name, you know the one.  Well, if that ain’t some drama, I don’t know what is.  But remember, you’re Mama.  And Mama loves her babies.  And love conquers all.  Remember the part about loving your enemies – well this is when you’re tested.  As long as that woman is not harming your children – and by harming, I’m not talking about sending your daughter home with some funny looking outfit or jacked up hairdo – you need to go on and accept the fact that when the kids see Daddy, they’re probably seeing her, too.  And they might just like her.  Kids have the right to love whomever they want.  That’s the blessing about kids.  They don't love the way we too often do.  They don't see one pie that's cut into a set number of pieces -- where if one person gets a large slice, there are only crumbs left for others.  They see love the way we should see it.  No amount of love for one takes love away from another.  On the contrary.  The more they love, the more they love.  So if you allow your kids (never mind how you feel) to love Daddy, Daddy's hoochie, Daddy's busy body mother, you, that guy who keeps trying to get in your mix, your passive aggressive mother, all of them, the more they'll love you.

Don't ask me to explain it.  It just is.