looking for a little support.Recently, the website received a note from a guy looking
for a volunteer opportunity.Don Akhibi is a financial advisor from Chicago’s
Chatham South Agency of Country Financial.We took him up on the offer and asked
if he could answer some typical questions that single mamas ask about their money.
For more information, contact: .
1.How can I save money when I get no child support and am barely
making ends meet, going to school, working full time and taking care to two kids?
First, I want to commend any single mother who is furthering her
education while simultaneously working a full time job. It is a very difficult task.
If one of your goals is to set money aside on a single salary due to
lack of assistance the main thing you want to keep in mind is that it
will not be a quick fix. You must set a plan and stick to it.
To begin, write down how you spend money on a daily basis. Do this for
about 2 weeks. You should have a clear understanding at this point
where your money is spent wisely and areas that can be reorganized.
Try not to carry too much cash on your person. People tend to spend
money they see versus currency they can not.
Review all loans and credit cards. Due to our current status in our
economy many financial institutions are willing to work out deals with
their consumers to make there debt more affordable. You should call
your creditors and see if you can reduce monthly payments.
Open a savings account with your local bank. Set a plan amount to put
in this account every month. Even if it is a minimal amount, over the
course of time it will pay off. (For example saving 20 dollars per
paycheck means $480 at the end of every year.)
Do not be afraid to value shop. Everyday the newspaper in your local
city has coupons that they want consumers to use. The savings add up
and don't make sense not to use.
I strongly advise talking to a professional financial representative
and explaining your situation in full detail. This way the best
possible solution can be created. Often times people omit certain
information. When you do that it only obstructs the outlook of the professional
attempting to assist you.
2.I want my kids to have the best, but I can't afford it.My kids
constantly ask me for the latest this or latest that.What can I do
to get ahead?
As a parent I can see why you would want your kids to have the best
things in life. My own personal experience was that my parents simply
could not afford the latest clothes, videos games, etc. In all honesty
it really doesn't matter. There are some children who have the best of
the best, but may have parents on drugs, unfavorable living conditions,
or serious health issues. You need to communicate to your child what
is really important in life. (I know it is difficult to express this
to a child.) Do not underestimate there understanding of certain
situations. The time you spend with your children will be what they
remember most about their childhood far more than any material object
you can provide. Although, I think there is nothing wrong with
rewarding a child for good behavior or stellar grades in school. In
this case, in order not to buy the best of the best all the time make sure there
are stipulations that must be met.
(For example "If you make it through the school year with all A's and
B's and no behavior problems I will purchase X or Y.") This should show
your child the value of working hard for things they want and they
same time give them a better understanding of what you have to go
through to earn the income to purchase certain things for them.
Lastly, I can't express this enough. You are the parent and are the "CEO" of your family. All your decisions affect the present and future
of your household. Therefore, if you think of it as being similar to a
business will your boss purchase something for the employees they
can't afford, or do they do what they can in accordance with a set budget?
3.I live in a big city with a high cost of living.Do you have any
tips for how I can provide decent housing for my kids in a safe
neighborhood when my money is tight?
Everyone wants to live in the best environment for their child. It is
only right. Although, our incomes have more effect on this decision
than or heart. The best thing you can do first off is checking to see
if your state has programs that will give housing assistance in mixed
income communities. If not, you may have to sacrifice certain
activities in order to live in the best area. (Such as cable
television, fast food consumption, and public transportation over
driving everyday). It may sound difficult, but If your goal is to
provide a safe environment for your children the value of those
things don't seem as important. (Cable TV vs Children's safety)
See what I mean. If all else fails make sure your home is not a reflection
of what's going on in the street. The home is the foundation of your child's persona.
Any object with a weak foundation will crumble under pressure and on the other
hand, anything with a strong setting is hard to disrupt.
4.Do you have any tips for how I can get my ex to pay regular child
support without having to take him to court?
This is a growing problem for many single mothers. There really is no
way to "make" anyone do anything they do not already have in their
heart to do. Yet, we have a legal system that can make it mandatory
for an under performing parent to assist with the upbringing of a child
financially.You must not be afraid to take the other parent to court and
collect the funds that are rightfully owed to the child. Yet, do not make it a
habit of relying on this money. Legally this money can only be
collected if the other parent is working. There are instances where
once child support is extracted from a paycheck all of a sudden the
person will stop working all together. Get help while you can but
always strive to work as if your income will be the only means of
survival. As they say, if you stay ready you will never have to get ready.
5.How can I start a college fund for my children?
Most banks, insurance companies, and investment firms will be able to
assist you starting a college fund for your child. They can be started
with as little as a $25 dollar investment. Most children will
eventually have to obtain a loan for education. Do not be frustrated
if it seems like you will never be able to save enough to pay for a
college education. That just means you are like 90% of other families.
Save funds for your kids education as an emergency fund during the
years they are in school. (Trust me, they will call and ask for help.)
If you do save enough to fund a child's education that is great, but
just not the norm. Make sure you have insurance in place as a back up
in case the something happens and your child will have to fund their own education.
Again if there are any more questions, or more clarification is needed
I will be more than happy to assist.
For more information, contact: .January 21, 2010
January 21, 2010
Claim Your Baby
So all of a sudden, Senator John Edwards is claiming his out-of-wedlock "love child" baby. Kinda late, as if most single mamas hadn’t known it from jump street.You see, too many single mamas know all the signs of a dad in denial.
They see how he'll go overboard to prove to his friends and coworkers that he's such a great dad, while in tragic irony, he leaves his “love children” to be raised by the “other woman” he treats like a tramp.
But Senator, thank God you’ve realized that for the sake of your child, better late than never.
Too many single moms are scorned while their babies’ daddies kick their kids’ identities to the curb.Unless and until these married, otherwise committed, or playboy so-called fathers come clean, the cycle of single mamahood will continue.
Dads, you are the ones our boys and girls look to as their first male role models.
Deny your kids’ moms, and your boys will lose respect for them too.
Sneak around with your kids’ moms and other women, and your girls will have someone sneak around on them.
Lie about your kids, and your boys will get girls pregnant and lie about theirs.Lie about your kids and your girls will have sex with older men (in search of some man to love them) and lie about their behavior.
They’ll hide their pregnancies with abortions or have more children who will be repeat the cycle all over again. Read more about Edwards' confession.
December 26, 2009
Weekly, single moms "Ask Ms Kelly" for support. Most of the questions cover what I call the four Ds -- Dating; Daddy, Discipline and Dollars. Moms want to know how to juggle these issues. They want to be the best mothers they can, to give their children every opportunity to succeed.
The names, children's ages, locations and other identifying details are changed when these questions and answers are published on this website and in other publications. Need free parenting advice? Just Ask Ms Kelly.
Throwing Away All Parenting Principles for the Sake of Publicity
(An opionion about the Balloon Boy Story)
By Kelly WilliamsWhen I saw the headline on my desk top computer, I, too, tuned in.But within a minute of seeing the balloon and reading the sidebars, I said out lout, “No way!”Not that I was able to quickly see the obvious – that a helium balloon could not possibly carry the weight of a boy.It’s just after learning that the parents had been on Wife Swap and tried to land other reality deals, I knew we were being played.So the next morning, I was at the gym flipping through the morning news shows.With my headset sound barely up, I saw little Falcon vomit on live TV.Instantly, I thought, “this kid feels guilty for lying and sicker that his parents put him up to it.” I suddenly thought back to when I was a second grader in Catholic school and I called a nun a liar when she told my mother I misbehaved in her classroom.I was so wrong and felt tremendous guilt; I was sick to my stomach for weeks.In fact, years passed before I forgave myself for telling such a horrible and shameful fib.If what I suspect is true, that Richard Heene scripted the hoax, complete with subterfuge roles for his family, imagine the turmoil to which he subjected his children, particularly Falcon when asked numerous times about hiding in the box in the attic.The tragedy is that if Dad indeed wrote and directed this fairy tale, it was for nothing more than fame, the kind of cheap celebrity that so many Americans both crave and feed.It’s the stuff of momentary luster, ala Paris Hilton, Levi Johnston and Kate Plus Eight; or lasting careers.Think Star Jones, Greta Van Susteren; and the Kardashians, whose stars were ignited during the OJ drama.Richard and Mayumi Heene may never get their reality show.But the coverage of their hot air story continues.Ironically, the Heenes may in fact be getting exactly what they wanted, albeit at a much higher price than perhaps they bargained for.They’ve became larger than life American-style celebrities, worthy of Paparazzi stakeouts.And we can’t get enough of them.
June 15, 2009 --
I asked my facebook frineds the following:
With Father's Day approaching, I'm wondering, what can moms who are not married to their kids' dads do to help the daddies become more involved in their kids' lives???
Here's how they answered: (Only one, EN, is a dad; the others are single moms)...
LK: Hello Kelly! I would say to allow the kids to do something nice for them vs. it coming from the mom. Some dads tend to soften up when the kids do something the dads usually don't expect! This could be something tangible and non-tangible.
SA: Have a family brunch? Make it a tradition.
BR: I think there should be a child's day, so than ... the missing parent can get involved one extra day
RJ:... now come on, they can't all be losers. dads (whether we're married to them or not) are very important in a child's life. give the kid a chance to get to know and love his father ... even if you can't.
EN: Do the research and suggest father/son activities, and consider allocating a small portion of the child support money toward the ticket prices once in awhile.KK: whateverTS: All interesting suggestions.
TR: I agreeKK: being involved in ur kid's life is a personal choice. if the dad is not involved to begin with, it's because he chooses not to be.TS: I have to agree with
[KK]!!! It's like banging your head against a wall to try to involve a parent in their childs life when they don't want that involvement. I have tried
June 13, 2009 --
I'm up early because Winston's driving to Philly from Atlanta and I'm always scared when he makes long distance drives. So I'm up and all over the web. I found something that makes me want to cry. Years ago, Dr. Kenneth Clark conducted a doll test to show how black kids have an inferiority complex. The kids were asked to select from a white and black doll which was the best, or nicest, etc. Take a look at this video.
Moms, you must present positive images of black kids to your children from early on. Show them photos of black girls, boys, men and women and tell them how beautiful, special, etc. that they are. This is not black supremacy...it's providing balance. Clearly most black kids are not getting the message naturally. If a kid thinks he/she is bad, ugly, worthless...it will become so much harder for him/her to succeed.
April 11, 2009 --
It has been an exciting week. On Thursday night, I was a guest on CNN with Roland Martin speaking about the singlemamahood issue. Finally when people are noticing that now 40 percent of American moms are unmarried when they give birth, they are paying attention to what's happening with so many of us. So maybe now, we can open the discussion about resources and the need for more of them -- the need for money to support child care, education (tutoring), mental health services and mentoring programs like Big Brothers Big Sisters.
March 30, 2009 --
Raising Him Alone is holding a contest for an outstanding single mother award.
The deadline for submission is April 1, 2009. Winners will be notified on April 17, 2009. Winners will receive a special plaque and an autographed copy of the new book Raising Him Alone.
Eligibility Requirements:
~Individuals may nominate one or more single mothers ~Nominators must complete the entire application ~Nominees must be African American single mother who are currently raising a male child
February 8, 2009 -- I keep forgetting to share this. It's a poem Winston wrote after experiencing the Inauguration.
A Check Made Good
by T. Winston Shaw
Wednesday, January 28, 2009 at 8:38am
My tongue and my feet were tired, for I had talked and walked miles, all for my unknown forefathers and unborn child. I had witnessed history, stared into the prophet’s eyes and dared to relate him to me. I had heard his words resonate and lift us like helium only to tie us back down to reality like heavy weights. I had listened – felt christened as the poetry of this once prodigal prodigy poured out of loud speakers and into the cold, cupped ears of millions of men and women thirsty for change and hope like feigns thirst for change for dope. I had even shed tears, but I must confess – they were not only because the momentous moment was blessed, these tears from my heart were also – in part – for my fears, for fear of failing to meet his charge – for fear of falling - for fear of scaling a mountain too large…
It was almost as if – this unforgettable political paradigm shift, the overdue arrival of this man with a plan for our nation’s survival, who seemed to use his light to ignite the candles of hundreds of thousands, and dismantle the darkness that has for so long loomed like a loud and thunderous cloud: This man. This one. The one - who radiates with the warmth of a thousand suns, stood at the foot of the Capitol building, and gave us a strange, supernatural feeling.
He told us to rise – rise above the inferno on surface, to be one of those who yearn to have purpose, he told us to rise – not without structure but with divine design, he asked us to dig deep and find the spine – to fight, whether black or brown or yellow or white, and as I fought back a rising lump in my chest, a voice in my head loathed to suggest – in the struggle for right not a moment to rest, a check liquidated by blood tears and sweat – was sure not to bounce – lest we forget, to use our nerve and sinew and wit - to ensure that our candles forever remain lit, to light fires in the nostrils of a snoring truth – is our collective call, and as I stared at my reflection - in the pool of our national Mall, I couldn’t help but recall…
That though the alleys of Baghdad are lined with tanks jamming the walls, America’s justice reservoir – is not bankrupt after all.
January 6, 2009 -- Happy New Year single mamas and friends! We are all going to be challenged in this economy. Let's keep our heads up and stay focused on priorities that will help our children. Here's a photo from the 2008 singlemamahood.com & Nielsen Company Sweet singlemamahood Holiday High Tea, held at Macy's on State Street in Chicago!
That's me (Ms Kelly) on the left with Single Mama of the Year Darlene Hill; and from Nielsen, Cheryl Pearson McNeil and Keisha Smith.
December 29, 2008 -- Kenneth Braswell is seeking comments from single moms. See details on his blog:
December 17, 2008 -- One of our 2008 Super Single Mamas owns a fab resale store in Chicago. And in these days before Christmas, they are having a big sale.
Happy Holidays, * December 12th- 24th 2008 come take advantage of Jordan's Closets and Jordan's Mom's Closets 12 Days of Christmas 50% off storewide sale. Also, available at "The Closets" Personalized Children's Books. Give a child the love of reading this Christmas. Prices range from $ 12.95 to $ 14.95. (Books not included in the sale)
We look forward to seeing you, The Jordan's Closets Family
December 14, 2008 -- Today, singlemamahood.com and the Nielsen Company hosted our third annual Sweet Singlemamahood Holiday High Tea. This year's event was held at Chicago's Macy's on State Street. Two hundred single mamas enjoyed tea, tasty tea sandwiches and sweets and were treated to an afternoon of motivation and fun. Thanks, again, to the Nielsen Company for the amazing support. And congratulations to Ms Darlene Hill, our Super Single Mama of the Year and the other Super Single Mama honorees.
2008 Super Single Mamas, Nominated by friends, family and Co-workers:
Cheryl "Renee" Tippett
Carla Hawthorne
Valerie Peterson
Geneva Phillips
Frances Pratt
Joslyn Slaughter
Moleska Smith
December 12, 2008 -- Single moms will no likely be disproportionately impacted by the downturn in the economy. See this story from blackvoicenews.com.
Homeless Children: The New Outcasts
Thursday, 11 December 2008
By Chris Levister -- It’s one of those balmy December nights in San Bernardino but don’t tell that to 10-year-old Gatlin Andrews and his two young sisters crowded together on the backseat of the family’s 2003 Saturn car. The children are dressed in hats, mufflers and warm coats.
“We sleep in our coats,” says Gatlin, who claims he keeps warm by dancing around the car. Gatlin who calls himself a Wii Game Guitar Hero (a popular kid’s video game) is in reality cold, hungry, homeless and angry. He is the face of America’s new outcasts.
“I don’t really like living in a car, It’s pretty scary,” he said.
On this night the children and their mother Elanda were turned away from an overflowing shelter nearby. They are according to San Bernardino and Riverside County’s school officials among the almost 26,000 students either homeless or close to it.
The girls sing and laugh as Ms. Andrews wearing a blue coat and pink sweatshirt that reads “Yes We Can” takes turns platting their hair.
Like many of their homeless classmates these children jump from school to school, falling behind, dropping out and often end up in trouble or in chronic poverty like their parents.
“The best part about school is the free breakfast.” says Sharma, the self proclaimed ‘funny one’.
“She likes the sausage sandwiches,” says Ms. Andrews, 32 pulling Sharma’s hair back in a tight ponytail.
Local school officials report a dramatic increase in the number of free meals served to children. Supporting this figure are estimates from the U.S. Department of Education that report more than 400,000 homeless children were served by the nation’s schools last year. On the basis of this data the report concludes that more than 1.2 million American children are homeless today.
About 12,600 of Riverside county’s 428,000 students are either homeless or living in an environment that puts them at risk for becoming homeless. Gary Thomas superintendent of San Bernardino County Schools puts the figure in his county at nearly 13,000 students.
Getting laid off was the tipping point says Andrews. “Gas, food costs, increases in utilities and monthly rent, they add up.” Nearly 3 months behind on the rent, Andrews says she begged her longtime landlord to give the family until January 1st to pay up.
“I understand he has bills to pay too. So I had to pack our things in boxes and bags and leave.”
Single mothers are the fastest-growing segment of the homeless population, according to the National Coalition for the Homeless. And Ms. Andrews is among the county’s roughly 7,000 chronically homeless adults living on streets or in shelters on any given night. Nearly 90 percent unable to find official shelters leaving them to sleep in cars or abandoned buildings according to social service providers in San Bernardino last month.
Chronic homelessness is nothing new in the Inland Empire but this year there are two merciless instigators on the block: a lingering housing crisis and the sinking U.S. economy which shed 533,000 jobs in November the worst one month job loss since 1974.
Social service providers in San Bernardino and Riverside Counties have set ambitious goals for actions they hope can end chronic homelessness in the region. Last month agency officials unveiled their 10-year strategy at the county’s second annual Homeless Summit. The plan aims to find permanent housing for the county’s chronic homeless adults.
The new strategy relies a lot on the kind of prevention the home mortgage crisis has pushed into the headlines: promoting landlord-tenant mediation, helping people with bad credit, and creating better access to affordable health care.
Area social service providers and homeless advocates say they need to do a better job identifying homeless people assessing their needs, and finding the help they need.
Both counties are seeking volunteers for their homeless count in January.
The census count helps determine how and where federal money is spent.
Riverside County homeless manager Ron Stewart says the count is required to get federal funding. He blames the worsening economy for pushing more people into episodic homelessness.
“Those people may be individuals or families who are unable to buy or rent their own housing so they are living with family or friends. Technically they meet the definition of homeless.
They argue with you claiming ‘I’m not homeless – I’m living in my sister’s basement’ – well you are – but you’re homeless. So getting those people counted will be extremely challenging,” says Stewart.
As for Ms. Andrews she is used to hard times having been chronically homeless as a teen growing up in Oakland. “It’s the kids I feel sorry for. I never wanted this kind of life for my kids. They cope and cope and then you see them give up.”
“When kids are hurting they show it in different ways like fighting or shoplifting, explains Ms. Andrews.”
Applying bright red lipstick she only graduated from high school. But after her children leave for the day, she plans to look for work.
“I’ll take just about anything to make ends meet,” she says. To make ends meet a single parent of two young children working full time in a minimum wage job for a year would make $10,712 before taxes – a wage $4,355 below the poverty threshold set by the federal government according to the U.S. Department of Labor.
Nov 15, 2008-- I am still so excited about the President-Elect. And more than ever, I feel what our soon-to-be first Lady Michelle Obama, felt when she made the "This is the first time I've been proud to be an American statement." When I heard Mrs. Obama say that, I was on a treadmill watching her C-Span speech. I thought to myself, "Oh, No... They are going to criticize her for that." I thought she meant to say, "This is the first time I've felt this proud to be an American." My background is media relations and I once worked for a defense contractor; so I knew it would not be taken in its real context.
But I've got to say that until now, I never knew that I never really got the whole patriotism thing until now. I have tenants in a property in San Diego who wave the American flag outside the home. I always thought it was very cute and well, sort of a white Republican thing to do. It's just something that until now, I'd never do. But now I GET it. As the poet Langston Hughes wrote, I, Too, Sing America!!!
Don't forget to RSVP for the Dec. 14 tea...Follow the instructions on the Home Page!
Nov. 3, 2008 -- The Mike & Juliet Show is launching a series in a week and looking for moms who have a great idea that want to make it happen... (an invention, etc etc) . It doesn't have to be relevant to motherhood, but just a good idea. They plan to feature a few women with their ideas and then possibly make it a reality! If you think you have what it takes, contact Cara Karp at .
Oct. 29, 2008 -- I just watched Barack Obama's 30 min. infomercial. It reminded me yet again how if he is elected President, he will be such an inspiration for single mamas who want our sons to reach for the stars and to know that whatever their releationship with their dad, as American children, anything is possible.
Sept 27, 2008 -- Attention Chicagoans -- I received this email from a friend, Carla Curtis -- also a fellow single mom inspiration book author. Please contact her directly if you are interested.
Hello Friends, Family and Colleagues:
For Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Authors Against Domestic Violence (Carla Curtis, Dyanne Davis, Barbara Keaton, Deatri King-Bey, Michelle Larks and Lisa G. Riley) will host a literary benefit on Saturday, October 18, 2008.This benefit will help raise needed funds to support women and children impacted by domestic violence who live at Amani House – a DV/Homeless Shelter.This event will feature an afternoon with best-selling author Rochelle Alers!
While Alers is truly a gifted author, most importantly she’s passionate about bringing awareness to the issue of domestic violence which affects 5.3 million women each year.Below is a brief history on Domestic Violence Awareness Month:
“In October 1987, the first Domestic Violence Awareness Month was observed. That same year the first national toll-free hotline was begun. In 1989 the first Domestic Violence Awareness Month Commemorative Legislation was passed by the U.S. Congress. Such legislation has passed every year since with NCADV providing key leadership in this effort (http://www.ncadv.org).”
To purchase a ticket, please contact Barbara Keaton at 312.403.7164 or via email at .
All proceeds from ticket, book and raffle sales will be used to support women and their children impacted by domestic violence who live at Amani House.
Aug 16, 2008 -- Thank you so much to The Urban Minority Alcoholism and Drug Abuse Outreach Program of Lucas County for inviting me to speak at your annual conference. The response was so great, we sold out of books at our booth! To all who still want books (volume discounts for those who order 25 copies or more), please send an email request to . You may also contact me at if you have special requests or would like me to speak to single moms you serve. Wakeso, thanks for your persistance in getting me there!
Aug 10, 2008 -- I received an email from Cheryl Pope, asking me to share tips on molding a child's self image. She's the author of 25 Ways to Make Your Child(ren) Feel Special. Visit her site at www.cherylynnpope.com.
July 21, 2008 -- Nearly every single mama who writes me for advice these days is hurting economically. You are asking for resources -- ways to stay afloat. In fact, I just heard from a single mom in Southern California who isays she is working 4 jobs. I linked her to resources that might help temporarily with groceries, low-income housing (with the housing crisis, there is more rental housing avaialble in good areas at better prices) and counseling. If you are desperate and fearful that you might lose it all, please contact your local YWCA. I am always available at .
May 17, 2008 -- The Nielsen Company and the RJ Dale PR Agency recently picked up a Chicago Publicity Club Award for the December 2007 Sweet Single Mamahood Holiday High Tea, a sponsored event for singlemamahood.com. Read more here.
May 7, 2008 - My son and his book are mentioned in this blog on bet.com.
May 3, 2008 -- OK Single mamas. If you're feeling sorry for yourselves for being lonely, here's something that should make you take pause. It's from one of those email chains that people send to everybody and their mama!
THE WORLD 'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE!'
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said: 'NO!' And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, traveled more, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theater, never watched sports, never wore friggin' lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants and was pleasant all the time.
The end!
April 18, 2008 -- Ms Kelly is now a featured advice columnist in N'Digo Magazine!!! Check it out here.
April 10, 2008 -- Winston's book will be out soon. Check it out!
April 5, 2008 -- This video from a South Bronx school is "must see." The teacher is a true role model. Share it with your kids' teachers.
March 18, 2008 -- Today Barack Obama addressed the issue of race. He had to. The 24-hour news shows have been playing his former pastor's words over and over. Not all his words. Just the ones that deal with race in a manner that most black people have heard, but few discuss in "polite" company, as Obama said in his speech, when speaking of how many Americans, black and white, discuss uncomfortable resentments that are associated with the issue of race.
Hear his words in their entirety here . This matters to me because many of the issues that are related to African American hostility are manifested in the cycles of single mamahood.
March 8, 2008 -- The other night, I went to N'Digo Magazine's Empowering Women Launch party, hosted by editor Zondra Hughes, one of the most beautiful women inside and out I've met since moving to Chicago. I met a couple of dynamic women, Marita and Khalilah, a single mama, who are owners of Fetish Accessories at 15531/2 W. 91st. Phone # 773-233-4800. I am so proud of these women. Marita was modeling one of the "thick girl" line of T-shirts -- Cornbread Fed. Khalilah modeled handmade wooden jewelry. I bought the charm bracelet right off Marita's wrist -- for real! Ladies, I wish you well...Congrats on going for it...Single mamas, check them out!
March 6, 2008 -- How do you punish your kids? You've heard it before from me, but here's someone else saying there are other ways to "discipline" your children, rather than beating them into submission. It takes more time and discipline on your part, Mama. You can read about it here from this excerpt from Come on People: On the Path from Victims to Victors by Bill Cosby and Dr. Alvin Poussaint. They were on Oprah today talking about the crisis faced by African American families, most of them headed by single mamas. Read the details here . Then come on back to singlemamahood.com.
Feb 25, 2008 -- I got a few emails this weekend from single moms who said they read about me in Rolling Out. I had not seen the story; but I found it on line and thought I'd share. Take a look right here: Rolling Out Urban Style
Feb 21, 2008 -- Today I spoke with parents at Dvorak Math Science Academy on Chicago's west side. What a great group of parents! Thank you, Mrs. Thompson and Mrs. Wilson. I can't wait to come back.
The title: Boys to Men: Tips for Single Moms. Here are some of the tips I shared:
Be a good example. In other words, do not let men disrespect you.
Keep your dating life away from your boys.They do not need to see their mamas going through dating drama.
In a single mother-headed household, the mom is the leader and must be seen as strong so that boys learn to respect and treat women properly.So moms must first show their sons how to treat women by how they allow men to treat them.So no man should even come around unless he is serious about her and respects her family. Check out your prospective guy and his family and his values before you even think about bringing him around your home.You cannot have sleepovers at your home when your kids are there.
Carefully select male role models for your son. Involve him in sports and church activities where he will learn to respect and bond with strong men who are not around simply to get close to mom.
Encourage boys to express themselves and respect and embrace your boys' emotional and private worlds.Boys need to play.Structure their lives so they have time to work and play.
Do not say or allow others to say negative things about your son's father. No boy needs to think half of his biological self is horrible. Let your son know that nobody is perfect -- not even you -- and that any faults of his dad have nothing to do with him (your son).
Do not rescue your boys. Work with them to validate their feelings and explore ways they can solve their own problems.
Feb 13, 2008 -- A month ago, I told you about a great Chicago resale shop, called Jordan's Closet, where you can get great bargains for your kids. Next door is Jordan's Mother's Closet. Jordan's mom is Joslyn, a proud single mama. Check out this great buzz about Jordan's Closet from Chicago's NBC station! Just click right here! Congratulations to Joslyn and Jordan. Keep up the great work!
Feb 4, 2008 -- Did you see the Oprah, Michelle Obama, Caroline Kennedy rally at UCLA on C-Span ??? Wow is all I can say. I do not know if I have ever been moved like that. Maria Shriver, California's first lady (herself a Kennedy) even voiced her support for Obama, only making a decision to do it that morning, she said. Stevie Wonder showed up (Michelle was holding his arm and kind of stumbled with him as they walked in; the strong woman she is, she did not miss a beat, however.) When Michelle stated so beautifully why we should vote for her husband, she actually made reference to how hard it is for single mothers to make ends meet and be there for our kids. Yes, she did. A few minutes ago, someone sent me this link: Yes We Can!
Jan 30, 2008
I attended the Girlfriends Health Guide Magazine release party at Carnivale Restaurant. The new magazine, published by Matthew Johnson, already distributed in Wisconsin, has branched out to the Windy City. The purse-sized quarterly publication educates women about "the holistic circles of life, mind, body and soul. The first Chicago issue features Cheryl Pearson-McNeil of the Nielsen Company. The Girlfriends Health Guide is available at Chicago Dominick's stores.
Jan 29, 2008
Ms Kelly has joined Centerstage Magazine as a columnist.
Jan. 27, 2008
Who Would Be a Better President for Single Mamas?
Who would be a better president for single mamas?Remember, nearly 40 percent of U.S. mothers are unmarried when they give birth (according to the 2006 U.S. Center for Health Statistics).A little more than 70 percent of African American mothers are unmarried when they give birth.
Sen. Barack Obama addresses the issue directly. Sen. Hillary Clinton addresses it more indirectly.
Read excerpts from their websites below:
FROM BARACKOBAMA.COM
Strengthen Families at Home
Strengthen Fatherhood and Families: Since 1960, the number of American children without fathers in their lives has quadrupled, from 6 million to more than 24 million. Children without fathers in their lives are five times more likely to live in poverty and commit crime, nine times more likely to drop out of school, and 20 times more likely to end up in prison. Barack Obama has re-introduced the Responsible Fatherhood and Healthy Families Act to remove some of the government penalties on married families, crack down on men avoiding child support payments, ensure that support payments go to families instead of state bureaucracies, fund support services for fathers and their families, and support domestic violence prevention efforts. As president, Obama will sign this bill into law and continue to implement innovative measures to strengthen families.
Support Parents with Young Children: Barack Obama would expand the highly programs like the successful Nurse-Family Partnership to all low-income, first-time mothers. The Nurse-Family Partnership provides home visits by trained registered nurses to low-income expectant mothers and their families. The trained nurses use proven methods to help improve the mental and physical health of the family by providing counseling on substance abuse, creating and achieving personal goals, and effective methods of nurturing children. Proven benefits of these types of programs include improved women's prenatal health, a reduction in childhood injuries, fewer unintended pregnancies, increased father involvement and women's employment, reduced use of welfare and food stamps, and increased children's school readiness. Researchers at the Federal Reserve Bank of Minneapolis concluded that these programs produced an average of five dollars in savings for every dollar invested and produced more than $28,000 in net savings for every high-risk family enrolled in the program. The Obama plan would assist approximately 570,000 first-time mothers each year.
FROM HILLARYCLINTON.COM
Hillary’s work-family agenda will:
Expand paid leave across the country through a new State Family Leave Innovation Fund;
Extend the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) to cover 13 million additional American workers and guarantee workers at least 7 paid sick days per year;
Promote model workplaces with grants to support new workplace flexibility programs and a federal telecommuting initiative;
Ensure better access to affordable, high quality child care; andPrevent parents from being discriminated against because of pregnancy or their caregiving responsibilities.
III. BETTER ACCESS TO HIGHER QUALITY CHILD CARE
Hillary has worked on expanding access and improving the quality of child care in our country for decades. The Bush Administration has essentially frozen the level of child care funding for the last eight years. As a result, the real purchasing power of child care subsidies has fallen significantly. According to the Bush Administration’s own estimates, 300,000 children will lose child care assistance by 2010, and 150,000 have already lost child care assistance since 2000.
Hillary believes we need to increase child care funding through the Child Care and Development Block Grant and return the program to it’s original intent: to serve working families. She will also work with Congress to reform the Dependent Care Tax Credit to address its shortcomings. And she will improve the quality of child care by investing in:
Helping states improve and enforce licensing and safety standards;
Supporting innovative public-private partnerships that increase the supply of affordable, high quality child care for working families;
Promoting and supporting quality rating systems that help families evaluate programs; and
Supporting workforce initiatives that help child care providers get the right training.
Jan 23, 2008
Ever get a cell phone bill that's so big it makes your cry? I'm serious. That big! Well, it happened to me the other day. I changed my plan, adding a new plan for Winston since he's back in the country and still in school and still -- although his scholarship pays his tuition -- on the payroll. There were problems with the bill, it turns out, charges for calls that should have been included in the calling plan. Plus, more special discounts and packages have been added since my plan went into effect. Now, I've been a Sprint customer since 1991. It turns out that meant something -- at least to Timothy Fender, the Sprint Customer Care representative who ended up getting my complaint. Timothy is one of the nicest customer care people I've ever spoken to. He listened, empathized and found a plan that really worked for me. His hard work cut my bill by more than one-third!!!! Timothy, kudos to you. You deserve a huge raise! Thank you SO much!!!
Jan 22, 2008
Book Review -- A Single Daddy Tells It Like It Is in Bedtime Stories
Single mamas, this is a great book and a reality check. More single dads are experiencing "baby' daddy drama...
Trey Ellis’ soon-to-be released memoir, Bedtime Stories (Rodale), is a reality check.Single dads experience the same drama we do.
When I’m on the radio or receive emails in the Free Advice section of this website, the questions from single daddies are similar to those that come from single moms.
“How do I balance dating with daddying?”When is it too soon to introduce my new hottie to my son or daughter?OK, so they don’t exactly say “my new hottie,” but you get the picture.
My answers are as harsh as they are when I’m answering questions from single moms.
“Dating is something you need to do away from your kids.”“There’s no need to get your kids caught up in your adult dating drama.”“More often than not, today's honey will not end up being your kids’ step parent.It’s hard enough for you to experience breakups; why take your kids through that pain?”
Reading Bedtime Stories, I was reminded of my son’s younger years -- the times I nearly broke my “no sleepovers” rules with a honey or allowed my boy to get to know a guy who was gone with the wind after only a few months.My now 21-year-old son is not damaged by my broken rules and I am not really sure whether he might be better off if he had seen me in some sort of longterm relationship – even one that ended.Ellis’ book does make me wonder as it validates my belief that dating drama is perhaps the biggest “issue” we single parents face.
Having read Ellis’ Home Repairs years ago, I was eager to read Bedtime Stories, interested to learn whether success and maturity had improved the author’s love life.(Home Repairs chronicled a younger, nerdier Ellis’ unsuccessful attempts to get lucky with a string of girls and women after whom he lusted.) While Ellis does not acknowledge it, still believing he is as uncool as ever, I’m here to say homeboy has come a long way!Dating is not easy for a good single parent, what with all the scheming, balancing and negotiating with the ex, babysitters, etc.But even with all the necessary scheduling, juggling, planning and worrying, Mr. Ellis manages to have a love life any single dad – most single men period – would envy.
Bedtime Stories mirrors the tales of many single mamas I know.We’re broken hearted by an ex who never quite goes away – not just because of the shared kids, but just because.The shadow of the ex looms.We might be through, but our new honey does not get it.The odd connection haunts and threatens the new relationship.And even though Ellis’ lovers are international beauties -- super models, actresses and the like – the presence of his eccentric bohemian baby' mama, who shows up often and regularly to see the kids or to borrow kitchen space – becomes a problem more than I think Ellis realizes.They may never quite say it, but it’s clear none of these spoiled beauties, the only kind of women Ellis seems to pursue, is willing to share her life with him, the kids and her.
Trey, it’s a story familiar to many single mamas.Baby Mama Drama.Your story lets us know we single mamas are not alone.More dads are being left with the house, kids and broken hearts.Your baby' daddy drama is some real stuff.Welcome to our world.
It's just the third week of the first month of this year and I am crazy busy. Winston is back in the country after spending last semester and Christmas break in Ecuador. An International Studies/Spanish major at Morehouse College in Atlanta, he spent the first semester of his junior year abroad. Then a few friends joined him to complete an independent project -- a documentary on Afro Ecuadorians -- that he started working on earlier in the year.
It feels so good having a kid have and take advantage of so many opportunities. My prayer is that his life will be much richer and a lot more stable than mine. I can still remember being called to his school when he smart mouthed a teacher or got into a fight (calling himself defending another kid). He's come a long way; it took a lot of hard work, and I'm proud. I have to give his daddy credit -- things have not always been smooth sailing with the tension between the two of us and all in dealing with our boy, but I think we've done pretty well.
In a recent email to family and friends who supported the documentary effort, Winston wrote:
"As I sit in my dorm room on the southwest side of Atlanta, I find it hard to believe that just a week ago today I was hustling to make my flight out of Ecuador. I already value the 5 months I spent there studying, playing basketball, interning, and working on Raices Distantes, but it excites me to know that I still lack the hindsight to truly appreciate the growth and broadening of my perspective that has just taken place. I know that as the future unfolds, I will realize just how my opportunity to study abroad has and will continue to affect me. At this early juncture, I can only try to reflect..."
They will edit the documentary this semester and take it on a lecture tour. More to come on that....
Meantime, Winston's mama is busy on a publishing project for singlemamahood Publishing and working with real estate clients to keep the bills paid. I'm sending out proposals for some 2008 single mama events as well, so stay tuned!
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